the skeleton war isn’t for everybody. some skeletons just want to dress up as meat products and direct you to the pharmacy and that’s okay
30 Days, 30 Monsters | day eight
↳ Deadites/Candarian Demons
The Evil Dead series was introduced into my life by my parents. I was looking for movies to rent at Blockbuster (you know, that physical place that used to be Netflix) and taking too long in the horror aisle. My mom saw me considering a DVD of Army of Darkness.
“Don’t get that movie,” she advised. “Your Dad and I saw it in the theatre and hated it.”
So, I rented it.
The slapstick/horror mix was a bit much for my mom, who could never stomach me or my father’s love of the Three Stooges. I was in love, though. And it wasn’t long before I discovered the earlier, more meatier installments in the franchise. Evil Dead was my first real foray into horror films that weren’t played on cable as a kid, one of the first things I ever felt I discovered for myself. The common denominator (necronominator, ha) between all the films is of course the deadites/candarian demons that plague our hero, Ash. Housewares.
If zombies had a malicious sense of humor, a more directed sense of vengeance and comedic timing, they’d be deadites. They vary drastically in appearance from film to film but are always terribly unique. My favorite is probably the Henrietta deadite, who takes on the appearance of a gleeful fat old woman with a snakeish, elongated neck.
How much do I love butts… Is it even possible to put it to words? I’m not quite sure that it is, I could talk about it for hours and hours. I love every facet of butts. All shapes and sizes. This extends on to legs too, because that’s also important. A good butt needs proper support, after all. I have favorite butts, ideal butts, but I really love any butt that isn’t flat as a pancake. My favorites are nice, wide, heavy ones that look particularly grabbable. You know, the ones where if you slip your hands under the heft of the cheek and lift the weight and drop it, you can sort of feel the vibration in the floor beneath you. Man, that’s an absolutely amazing attribute to have to a butt. Weight and softness is very important, especially for things like worship and smothering. Don’t get me started on those though.
Is love even strong enough of a word? I adore butts. I live and breathe them, they’re one of the best things about any male or female body. From the little dimples at the base of the back right above the cheeks all the way down to a nice shapely pair of calves, butts/legs are my reason to be alive.
(TL;DR: A lot, bruh. A lot.)
If you haven’t watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 you need help and I am here to provide that help
Click here. Watch an episode. Do it. Improve your life forever.